24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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