I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize