Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
