Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
