So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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