cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
