Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
