Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
