HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
