I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
