I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
