Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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