i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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