you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
