Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
