She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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