Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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