apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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