I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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