i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
