Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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