Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
