Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
