come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
