The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
