That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
