Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
