Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
