One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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