she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
