He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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