i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
