and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
