Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
