i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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