Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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