Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
