Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
