ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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