At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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