ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
