omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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