Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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