tell your sister to shave her snatch
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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