I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
