i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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