I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
