I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
