Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
