Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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