even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
