i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
