but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
