Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
