I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
