i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
