I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
