saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
