Yo dont text me then not text me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
