Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
