So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
