I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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