he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
