We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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