I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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