No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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