Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
