Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
