Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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