The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
